The Fear

January 24, 2011 at 10:42 PM Leave a comment

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about fear. I’ve been thinking about what happens to the mind, spirit, and body when we let fear overwhelm us. Every person is going to experience fear differently, but for me depending on the level of fear it can be crippling. It will start with a tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach, almost like butterflies before a performance. If I don’t resolve the fear it crawls it’s way into my throat and scratches at my eyes making them watery. The tingling in my stomach turns into an ache and the tingling begins in my limbs. I feel jittery and numb, like I am losing myself to the battle inside myself. My vision begins to blur and I hunker down into a fetal position, heaving and sobbing, because I don’t understand the problem. I’ve become so crazed by fear that I have altogether lost sight of what it was that frightened me.

Fear is inevitable. You cannot get past anything substantial in life without at least one healthy dose of fear. The most important thing is not to let the fear weigh you down. You have to stand on your own two feet and face whatever is coming your way with the strength you have. You might feel weak, life you can’t handle it, but the amount of strength you have is meaningless in comparison to how you use the strength you have been given. You can examine your fear and figure out if it is a reasonable fear or something irrational. If you are terrified of jumping out of a window, that is probably a rational fear. If you are afraid that you will fail, that is probably something you should consider going for and getting over.

I struggle with fear in my life. I am afraid that I won’t be good enough, I am afraid I will never make it on my own in the world (but really I won’t because I will always be a part of a community, it’s who I am). I am afraid of singing in public because I am afraid people will laugh when I am bearing my soul. I am afraid to show certain pieces of artwork because I am worried people won’t quite understand them. I am afraid of elevators, and for that very reason I turned down a job I would have loved so I wouldn’t have to ride one on a daily basis. I am afraid to mow the grass, because I could die if I forget to take my medicines before and after mowing it.

I am afraid of being alone. That one scares me the most. I have an irrational fear that nobody will ever love me, friend or otherwise, for the real me. A voice in the back of my mind whispers to me that people are just pretending when they are nice to me. It says, “Heather, you don’t really amount to anything. They are just trying to make you feel better. Those kind words are a lie. Don’t you know that? You are so stupid.

I fall prey to a false truth that I am not good enough. THAT is the biggest lie I could ever tell myself.

I am good enough. God created me for a purpose; even if I do not know what that purpose is.

Fear exists in life, but we can tame our fears. We can tame our fears with the help of others and with our own minds.

Happy Adventures,


Entry filed under: Food For Thought. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

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Reading: just about anything I can get my hands on, other blogs, and especially YA Fiction Novels. Lately I have been really into anything by SARK and other non-fiction books. __________________________________ Writing: updates for my blog, a children's book, music/lyrics, and letters to pen pals. ;) __________________________________ Singing: Warm-Ups. __________________________________ Learning: How to use my voice as an instrument, History of Art, Watercolor, how to be actively involved in creating a better community, and something new every single day. __________________________________ Hoping for: Wisdom and patience when things are hard, a smile no matter what, and a better community. __________________________________ Dreaming about: HAPPINESS __________________________________ Eating: <3 Peanut Butter Pie. Peanut Butter Sandwiches. Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies. __________________________________ Drinking: Water, usually. __________________________________ Playing: The Sims 3, Dance Central, and the Piano and Guitar. __________________________________ Watching: Christmas/Halloween movies, Who's the Boss? reruns, and crazy-cool documentaries about dead people. __________________________________ Listening to: Informative & Educational Podcasts, all kinds of music, and trying to listen to my parents (they are very wise, after all).

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Heather loves hats that are designed to look like cute animals, fairy wings, cheese pizza, swimming in ponds, roller blading, taking silly self-portraits, learning, spending time with people, and just about everything else too. Heather does not love ... well, there isn't a lot that she doesn't love. You can probably figure it out after a little while!

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