I Want to Dive In

February 1, 2011 at 8:24 PM Leave a comment

I am standing on this ledge, looking at all the what if’s and all of the could be’s. I have so many opportunities facing me, it is becoming overwhelming. But I don’t want to back away in fear. I don’t want to shy away from my dreams because I am afraid that I will fall. Even as I created this image, even as I convince myself that it’s pointless to be afraid, even as I tell myself “Just dive in, you have NOTHING to lose,” I still feel something holding me back. I feel something telling me that i’m not quite ready yet. I’m close enough that I can taste it, I can almost feel it in my fingers. People can see it in me, and they ask questions. I get offers, and suggestions. But something is telling me to wait. Something is telling me to hold out just a little longer.

I don’t know if that something is my common sense, or if it is my fear talking. I can’t decipher it. My stomach twists into knots and I get this strange tingling sensation. I wonder if I am making the right choices, if I am jumping too early, or if I missed my chance. Do I really want this? Is this something I can really make something out of? Can I live like that?

Here lately I’ve been getting more urges to just fly and see what happens. Lately the desire to reach out and stretch who I am has begun to consume me. It has grown stronger than the nagging worries of “Can I do it?” and has turned into “I know I can do it, but do I really want to?”

Maybe this means I’m still not ready. But when I am, the world is going to know it.

Happy Adventures,


Entry filed under: A Day in the Life, Food For Thought. Tags: , , , , , , .

Leap of Faith: How do you cope with nerves? Painting Stillness

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Reading: just about anything I can get my hands on, other blogs, and especially YA Fiction Novels. Lately I have been really into anything by SARK and other non-fiction books. __________________________________ Writing: updates for my blog, a children's book, music/lyrics, and letters to pen pals. ;) __________________________________ Singing: Warm-Ups. __________________________________ Learning: How to use my voice as an instrument, History of Art, Watercolor, how to be actively involved in creating a better community, and something new every single day. __________________________________ Hoping for: Wisdom and patience when things are hard, a smile no matter what, and a better community. __________________________________ Dreaming about: HAPPINESS __________________________________ Eating: <3 Peanut Butter Pie. Peanut Butter Sandwiches. Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies. __________________________________ Drinking: Water, usually. __________________________________ Playing: The Sims 3, Dance Central, and the Piano and Guitar. __________________________________ Watching: Christmas/Halloween movies, Who's the Boss? reruns, and crazy-cool documentaries about dead people. __________________________________ Listening to: Informative & Educational Podcasts, all kinds of music, and trying to listen to my parents (they are very wise, after all).

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Heather loves hats that are designed to look like cute animals, fairy wings, cheese pizza, swimming in ponds, roller blading, taking silly self-portraits, learning, spending time with people, and just about everything else too. Heather does not love ... well, there isn't a lot that she doesn't love. You can probably figure it out after a little while!

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