Actions Speak Louder Than Words

February 24, 2011 at 9:32 PM 4 comments

The older I get the more things I learn about myself. It’s like I am getting to know myself as a friend, little by little, until I figure out what is important to me. I find out little things, like what I am good at and what my favorite TV show really is. I realize my priorities, like how I’d much rather get 8 hours of sleep than watch a movie- even if that means only being able to watch a movie once every few months. On the other hand, I would rather work on homework and listen to music than get a full 8 hours of sleep (most nights).

Deeper than that though, I find out things like what I am afraid of. I find out things that move me. I find out that I’m stubborn, a little naive but I like it that way, and that I am secretly insecure. I spend countless hours wondering if I am worth anything to anyone else. I constantly dwell over whether or not I am really needed. Everyone wants to be needed. It’s a feeling that I so deeply crave, that feeling that I am indispensable to another person or to a group. As I grow, I learn that there are areas I am needed by people. I am needed to show up on time to work. I am needed to help around the house. I am needed for various tasks.

Yet, something still doesn’t seem to sit well.

I realize that it is more than a desire to be needed. I desire to be wanted.

I want to be sought out, searched for, asked for, cherished, loved, treasured. I want to be homework and music. I want to be that one thing that even though 8 hours of sleep is more important, you find yourself staying up the extra hours simply because you want it. I might very well be needed, but do the people who need me want to need me? Just like I need my medication, I don’t want my medication and I certainly do not like it, but I need it so I deal with it because I have to.

Maybe it’s too much to ask for, but it’s something I need. I need to be reminded that I am wanted- not by words, but by actions.

Happy Adventures,


Entry filed under: Food For Thought. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

To Anyone Who Has Ever Taught Me One Small Candle

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. starrlife  |  February 26, 2011 at 8:25 AM

    I want to tell you that life is a marathon race and it does not have to happen all at once and then I realize that for some it may be more of a sprint so who am I to say! anyway- hugs.

  • 2. Heather  |  February 26, 2011 at 12:49 PM

    You are sweet, Starr. 🙂 I’ve always been more of a sprinter than a marathon runner I suppose, but I do see that life is like a marathon race in a sense.

    I am not looking for a relationship or anything, just that sometimes I even wonder if my friends are really friends because they want to be. Sometimes I wonder if my co-workers would rather have somebody else work with them, if they didn’t need me there. Y’know… sometimes I just don’t know how people take me.

    I try not to let it bother me, but I really felt like sharing that post. It was pulling at my heartstrings to talk about it.

    Life is a crazy, beautiful, scary thing and no one can know how long it will last… all I can do is live, and do my best to get as much out of it as I can while being sure to do even more giving.

  • 3. sparksinshadow  |  March 1, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    This feeling pulls at my heart, too. I’ve spent so many years trying to focus on my real strengths and remember the accomplishments that have meaning to me. I wonder what these things mean to others. Foremost and above all else, I want to be a loving, kind and giving person, but I struggle with the desire to be understood, wanted and sought out for who I truly am, and not just for what I deliver. It’s funny how this desire can feel selfish — even though it’s not.

    • 4. Heather  |  March 2, 2011 at 8:32 AM

      Oh, yes, it is so hard! I believe that we can get through it though. One step at a time.

      I just try my best to remember that I am enough, and that there are several people that I admire and look up to and I do not tell them every waking moment how incredible I think they are. Like my mother, ha! I mean, I tell her that I think she’s wonderful, but I don’t go around constantly singing her praises… so I guess that even if other people think I’m good at something they might not always say it.

      I grew up learning “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” though and that tends to make me think that when people don’t say something it is because they don’t have anything nice to say.

      I have to get past that… 😛


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Reading: just about anything I can get my hands on, other blogs, and especially YA Fiction Novels. Lately I have been really into anything by SARK and other non-fiction books. __________________________________ Writing: updates for my blog, a children's book, music/lyrics, and letters to pen pals. ;) __________________________________ Singing: Warm-Ups. __________________________________ Learning: How to use my voice as an instrument, History of Art, Watercolor, how to be actively involved in creating a better community, and something new every single day. __________________________________ Hoping for: Wisdom and patience when things are hard, a smile no matter what, and a better community. __________________________________ Dreaming about: HAPPINESS __________________________________ Eating: <3 Peanut Butter Pie. Peanut Butter Sandwiches. Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies. __________________________________ Drinking: Water, usually. __________________________________ Playing: The Sims 3, Dance Central, and the Piano and Guitar. __________________________________ Watching: Christmas/Halloween movies, Who's the Boss? reruns, and crazy-cool documentaries about dead people. __________________________________ Listening to: Informative & Educational Podcasts, all kinds of music, and trying to listen to my parents (they are very wise, after all).

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Heather loves hats that are designed to look like cute animals, fairy wings, cheese pizza, swimming in ponds, roller blading, taking silly self-portraits, learning, spending time with people, and just about everything else too. Heather does not love ... well, there isn't a lot that she doesn't love. You can probably figure it out after a little while!

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