Some recent artwork, from the end of 2012 until mid-July.

These are just a few of the artistic things I have been up to over the last 8 months or so, in no particular order.

Happy Adventures,
Heather

Acceptance

I found out in February that I was accepted to Antioch College. My life will never be the same.

There is nothing to be afraid of.

So I was reading some old blog posts, and I stumbled across one of my favorite posts: What if they are just as afraid of you?

I got to thinking yesterday morning about all of this and I wondered what would happen if every student could set aside their fears and choose to love their professors, classmates, studies. I wondered what might happen if I could set aside my fear of math, and just appreciate the good things about it. Learn to love it for what it is, instead of trying to change it into something that one former elementary school teacher told me I was bad at. Instead of turning it into the class that could ruin my college career. Maybe I’ll take a math class soon.

Wow. I still have difficulty believing that at any point in my life I held that insight (or any insight, some day) in my head. I can’t believe I shared it so eloquently.

I can’t believe how much the general message has stuck with me, even though I had forgotten most of the precise words.

I signed up for an accounting class. Principles of Accounting II, actually. I genuinely like it.

I love how amazing I feel after I complete the homework correctly, or even mostly right. I love how energetic and charismatic and helpful the professor is. I love how unique each individual student in my row is, and how we all still manage to help each other out and share snacks. Just like my first college class I was overtaken with invalid fears before I started last semester. Just like my first college class I was proven wrong on the very first day, and I have loved it ever since.

Life is what you make it. Make it count. Make it good. Make it YOURS.

Happy Adventures,
Heather

Tons of letters to send, but no stamps…

When was I going to remember that I am completely out of stamps?
When am I going to be able to actually go INTO a Post Office so I can buy stamps?
It seems like I’m always busy working or doing something
school related when they are open.
Hopefully I can get my letters mailed out on Monday.

Starting Over

…let’s begin with a new look, shall we? Much has changed. Much has changed.

Adventurous

What an incredible rush of excitement! I can almost still feel the biting cold of driving through the city with the top down at 11pm when the temperature must have been no higher than 32 degrees. I can faintly hear the orchestra playing as they harmonized amongst each other. The awe and wonder that struck me while watching the ballet dancers perform Romeo & Juliette from a box seat lingers in the front of my mind. I can taste the bagel, vegan chili, and Steamer (steamed milk, honey, and vanilla) from the little café that I can’t recall the name of. Such magic surrounds me when I open myself up to it.

That was only one evening from my recent adventures. I’ve painted with new mediums, experienced hot yoga, tasted new tea, eaten the rind of a cantaloupe, sang with a complete stranger while walking down a city street, and delved deeper into who I am as a person and who I would like myself to be. I’ve also lost 5lbs, which isn’t exactly something I was trying to do. I was invited to move to Portland, Oregon next December (I politely turned them down…for now. Too many adventures I need to have here, first.). I was invited to go to Maine for a month this summer and volunteer my time and artistic talents to support a worthy cause.

I have also received in the mail the single-most important and incredible letter I have gotten in my life to this day.

Soon. I will tell you soon.

Happy Adventures,
Heather

Where to begin?

First of all, I should say that my desktop computer continues to hate WordPress more and more. I can’t even read blogs that OTHER people write while I’m using my desktop.

I now have a laptop that I can use though, so maybe I’ll get back into the WordPress habit.

So many things have been going on in my life. I really don’t know where to begin. Everyone says that there is no time like the present, so I suppose THAT is where I wil start.

I work in the same place, although I have gotten more hours. 😉 I still love my job sooo much. I attend the same college, although I’m taking accounting classes now instead of art ones (WHAT!?). Don’t worry. I think I’m still an art major. Probably.

I have some other news, but it’s pretty big news and I haven’t told everyone in person yet so unfortunately you will all have to wait it out! The word “wait” still gives me heebie jeebies.

Happy Adventures,
Heather

“My Apologies,” says the whisp of a blogger…

There is a ghost of a writer here, a person who used to blog so freely and regularly. Then life kept getting in the way, and the writing dwindled. She tried to keep at it, and one day she realized she needed a break. She wanted nothing more than to escape, get far away, run. Run from everything- blogging, commitments, old haunts, friends and foes, and even her dreams. She wanted to bury herself. She re-activated her Facebook, showed up there as if hiding in plain sight, and attempted to re-build herself, somehow still trying to fight the urge to hide underground.

In a twist of near irony, she moved to the basement of her house, calling it her batcave (because she has a sense of humor, and loves Batman). Somehow she had managed to symbolically bury her physical self and possessions in the basement. Maybe she needed this more than she had thought originally. She still wanted to run. She still wanted to hide. To be honest, she still had difficulty denying the urge to stay 10 feet under the grass and maybe just let herself be forgotten.

Instead of that, instead of the whisper of darkness trying to claim her being allowed to win, she’s going to fight back. She’s going to stay above ground (metaphorically speaking, she does sleep in the basement now!) and give everything she’s got. Most of the time. 😉 Some days she’s still going to feel exceedingly lazy and allow herself to cave in.

Can You Even Imagine?

Imagination is a wonderful thing. There is something about it. Everyone has their own “imagination,” yet the phrase “Can you even imagine?” is a widely used cliché. I wondered about this for a while, and I realized why this phrase is a cliché. Because crazy good things happen to lots of people! Because crazy weird things happen to lots of people! And, unfortunately, because crazy bad things happen to lots of people. Because there is always something that one person finds unthinkable, even though someone else cannot imagine not thinking about it. It is my belief that thought is often confused with imagination. As in, someone may think that an event is unthinkable but call it unimaginable.

Let me jump off a cliff and explain my idea to you, the reader, by starting with some definitions.

think

1. to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions, etc.
2. to employ one’s mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation: Think carefully before you begin.
3. to have certain things as the subject of one’s thoughts: I was thinking about you. We could think of nothing else.
4. to call something to one’s conscious mind: I couldn’t think of his phone number.
5. to consider something as a possible actions, choice, etc.: She thought about cutting her hair.

im·ag·ine

1. to form a mental image of (something not actually present to the senses).
2. to think, believe, or fancy: He imagined the house was haunted.
3. to assume; suppose: I imagine they’ll be here soon.
4. to conjecture; guess: I cannot imagine what you mean.
5. Archaic . to plan, scheme, or plot.

They are similar words, and occasionally one might be able to use “imagined” interchangably with “thought” because in this instance they are surely the same. They are both “assumptions” about something. But, for most general purposes the definition of “think” doesn’t leave the world of the reasonable and rational, whereas “imagine” takes it that much further and allows for creativity to happen.

The definition of creativity is this: “the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.; originality, progressiveness, or imagination: the need for creativity in modern industry; creativity in the performing arts. ”

If you read through that definition, and then allow yourself to read over the 5 definitions of “think” again, I believe you will find what I have found– which ultimately brings me back to “Can you even imagine?”

I believe in this instance that what we’re really asking is “Can you even think this?” or “Can you even rationlize this based on experiences?”

On May 17th, 2012 I experienced something that was at the time “unthinkable” for me. Sure, I’d imagine what it might be like, but I could not really “reason, or remember experiences.” I was at an art show, and I had three pieces displayed in this exhibition. It was the “official reception” and there was a lot going on, people milling in and out, caterers hastily replacing chicken salad sandwiches, and wine glasses clinking. Before the opening began, while they were still setting up, I happened to see a woman I knew in the gallery. Excitedly I made my way over to ask what she was doing there, and she said that she was working.

She then asked me what I was doing, and I let her know that I had three pieces being exhibited. She kindly asked me to show her my pieces, and I obliged. Moments later, I was saying “This is my collage,” when another woman made an expression I cannot describe and exclaimed my name. I nodded and said, “Yes.” Once it was decided that I was, “The Heather” she went on to tell me how someone had been showing her my works for quite some time now, and that she had been waiting to meet me. She had been waiting to meet me. ME. I was in a state of disbelief. She said it was a pleasure, I said “You think you’re happy right now,” and we all laughed.

This is the sort of moment where people say, “Can you even imagine?” and I honestly hope for your sake the answer is “Yes.” It is another one of my beliefs that your imagination can manifest itself into becoming reality. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it!

Happy Adventures,
Heather

Extremes

Change. Change. Ugh, I get a knot in my stomach just typing it. It’s so frustrating for me, because I want it so badly, but I also despise it. I crave it, and I fear it. Some days, I just want to change so much that I leave everything behind and never look back– just going for it, whatever “it” may be. Other days, I want to chain myself to the “now” or the “past” and I don’t even want anyone or anything to be able to drag me away. Neither of these options are possible, which is where my nausea comes from.

I am a person of extremes. Extreme happiness, extreme sadness, extreme loneliness, extreme socialization, extreme effort, extreme laziness. Unfortunately, the “extreme” changes in my life have all been changes that I couldn’t control, so I have hated them. The “extreme” changes that I could control terrify me. So for now I’ll probably just change my blog’s theme and call it a day, until I get the itch again.

Happy Adventures,
Heather