I found out in February that I was accepted to Antioch College. My life will never be the same.
So I was reading some old blog posts, and I stumbled across one of my favorite posts: What if they are just as afraid of you?
I got to thinking yesterday morning about all of this and I wondered what would happen if every student could set aside their fears and choose to love their professors, classmates, studies. I wondered what might happen if I could set aside my fear of math, and just appreciate the good things about it. Learn to love it for what it is, instead of trying to change it into something that one former elementary school teacher told me I was bad at. Instead of turning it into the class that could ruin my college career. Maybe I’ll take a math class soon.
Wow. I still have difficulty believing that at any point in my life I held that insight (or any insight, some day) in my head. I can’t believe I shared it so eloquently.
I can’t believe how much the general message has stuck with me, even though I had forgotten most of the precise words.
I signed up for an accounting class. Principles of Accounting II, actually. I genuinely like it.
I love how amazing I feel after I complete the homework correctly, or even mostly right. I love how energetic and charismatic and helpful the professor is. I love how unique each individual student in my row is, and how we all still manage to help each other out and share snacks. Just like my first college class I was overtaken with invalid fears before I started last semester. Just like my first college class I was proven wrong on the very first day, and I have loved it ever since.
Life is what you make it. Make it count. Make it good. Make it YOURS.
When was I going to remember that I am completely out of stamps?
When am I going to be able to actually go INTO a Post Office so I can buy stamps?
It seems like I’m always busy working or doing something
school related when they are open.
Hopefully I can get my letters mailed out on Monday.
…let’s begin with a new look, shall we? Much has changed. Much has changed.
What an incredible rush of excitement! I can almost still feel the biting cold of driving through the city with the top down at 11pm when the temperature must have been no higher than 32 degrees. I can faintly hear the orchestra playing as they harmonized amongst each other. The awe and wonder that struck me while watching the ballet dancers perform Romeo & Juliette from a box seat lingers in the front of my mind. I can taste the bagel, vegan chili, and Steamer (steamed milk, honey, and vanilla) from the little café that I can’t recall the name of. Such magic surrounds me when I open myself up to it.
That was only one evening from my recent adventures. I’ve painted with new mediums, experienced hot yoga, tasted new tea, eaten the rind of a cantaloupe, sang with a complete stranger while walking down a city street, and delved deeper into who I am as a person and who I would like myself to be. I’ve also lost 5lbs, which isn’t exactly something I was trying to do. I was invited to move to Portland, Oregon next December (I politely turned them down…for now. Too many adventures I need to have here, first.). I was invited to go to Maine for a month this summer and volunteer my time and artistic talents to support a worthy cause.
I have also received in the mail the single-most important and incredible letter I have gotten in my life to this day.
Soon. I will tell you soon.
First of all, I should say that my desktop computer continues to hate WordPress more and more. I can’t even read blogs that OTHER people write while I’m using my desktop.
I now have a laptop that I can use though, so maybe I’ll get back into the WordPress habit.
So many things have been going on in my life. I really don’t know where to begin. Everyone says that there is no time like the present, so I suppose THAT is where I wil start.
I work in the same place, although I have gotten more hours. I still love my job sooo much. I attend the same college, although I’m taking accounting classes now instead of art ones (WHAT!?). Don’t worry. I think I’m still an art major. Probably.
I have some other news, but it’s pretty big news and I haven’t told everyone in person yet so unfortunately you will all have to wait it out! The word “wait” still gives me heebie jeebies.
There is a ghost of a writer here, a person who used to blog so freely and regularly. Then life kept getting in the way, and the writing dwindled. She tried to keep at it, and one day she realized she needed a break. She wanted nothing more than to escape, get far away, run. Run from everything- blogging, commitments, old haunts, friends and foes, and even her dreams. She wanted to bury herself. She re-activated her Facebook, showed up there as if hiding in plain sight, and attempted to re-build herself, somehow still trying to fight the urge to hide underground.
In a twist of near irony, she moved to the basement of her house, calling it her batcave (because she has a sense of humor, and loves Batman). Somehow she had managed to symbolically bury her physical self and possessions in the basement. Maybe she needed this more than she had thought originally. She still wanted to run. She still wanted to hide. To be honest, she still had difficulty denying the urge to stay 10 feet under the grass and maybe just let herself be forgotten.
Instead of that, instead of the whisper of darkness trying to claim her being allowed to win, she’s going to fight back. She’s going to stay above ground (metaphorically speaking, she does sleep in the basement now!) and give everything she’s got. Most of the time. Some days she’s still going to feel exceedingly lazy and allow herself to cave in.